Things dogs will do as friends:
Lapse into Attention Deficit Disorder.
Visit you unannounced.
Take over your bed.
Give unconditional love.
Bark at ghosts.
Carry dingleberries into your home.
Run away when Billy Mays is pitching on TV.
Expose their private parts for all to see.
Have good manners.
Stare at you.
Forgive and forget.
Clutter your house with half-eaten chewies.
Live for today.
Bring you dead critters for presents.
Go nuts with elation when you give them a present.Slurp when they eat.
Follow you everywhere.
Let you know when they don’t trust someone.
Protect you.
Bite their fingernails.
Show appreciation when you do something for them.
Things dogs won’t do as friends:
Stink up your bathroom.
Try to make a point with silly, inappropriate hand gestures.
Talk about you behind your back.
Talk incessantly about trivial nonsense.
Keep repeating themselves even when you tell them you already heard that.
Keep repeating themselves even when you tell them you already heard that.
Be anal-retentive.
Leave pee on your toilet seat.
Become closet smokers.
Be control freaks.
Give ludicrous excuses for not wanting to do something.
Become obnoxious know-it-alls.
Make money and material things their main reason for living.
Be cheapskates.
Refer to acquaintances as “buddies”.
Let Ladies go first.
Clutter your house with chotzkies.
Give absurd rationalizations for rude behavior.
Live in the past.
Insist their way of doing something is the only way.
Tell strangers your personal business.
Make sarcastic remarks.
Brag about their exploits.
Lie about their exploits.
Take advantage of your friendship.
Complain, complain, complain!
